I made a decision the other night. I decided to quit.

Before everyone gets worked up in a tizzy, I'll clarify. I quit a short story I was writing.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been working on a short story I titled "Until Death". In this story, I had to explore what it might be like as a 5 year old who had lost her mom and dad. There were some nights when I'd finish writing for the day and I'd have tears streaming down my face, my nose would be all snotty and Hubby would look at me weird and ask me what was wrong. "Writing a tough scene," I'd say and that would garner an even stranger look because I'm one of those writers whose spouse just doesn't get it. Not that it's a bad thing but the point is, I could've said the all-famous female line, "Nothing," and it would've been more acceptable than I was writing an emotional scene.

But it wasn't the emotion that got the best of me. It was the realization that the story was going nowhere. I had over 5,000 words, almost 20 pages... and not only had it taken so much longer than my writing usually does, but I felt the story wasn't going to reach any type of great climax. In order for a story of the length and caliber that I was going for to work, there has to be enough of a climax to satisfy the reader. The story has to have enough of a conflict to be interesting and, for my personal preference, I try not to be predictable. I still feel like it is a good concept and maybe one day I'll have an epiphany that will bring it back to life and allow me to finish it, but this isn't that time.

This is a difficult decision for me. This is the first time in over three years that I've just given up on a story. Usually before I start a story, I think, "How can I take this concept, which undoubtedly has been written before, and make it different? How can I heighten the climax? What can the protagonist learn from point A to point B?" This time, I didn't follow through with my usual train of thought on the process and it reflected in how the story was progressing... which wasn't very far.

It reminded me of what author Nathan Bransford said on Facebook a few months ago: "If you aren't having fun writing it, they won't have fun reading it." And I wasn't having fun writing it. At. All.

Sometimes you just have to scrap them or leave them in a hard drive to collect dust for awhile. I'm not proud of it and I'm trying hard not to see it as a failure. It's time to move ahead.

Every birthday for the past couple of years, I've written something that reflects the day. But to be honest, if not for the pieces that I wrote, I wouldn't be able to remember at all what I was thinking my last few birthdays. Since my first son was born over 5 years ago, life has been pretty much a blur. This went double when I was blessed with my second son a little over 3 years ago. Hell, I'm lucky if I remember last week.

 Things are slowing down a little but I'm still in that survival mode, trying to balance work with motherhood, taking one day at a time, trying to make life count, while one son is in question mode ("Momma, what's wood made out of?" "Momma, why do I comb my hair?" "Momma, why do cats scratch?" "Momma, how did a baby get in Sissy's belly?" (Eek!)) while the other son is in blood curling scream mode if you just happen to look at him sideways.

  Yesterday was just like any other day. I worked, I paid bills, I got on the treadmill, I did laundry, I cooked supper, I attended my son's t-ball game. I did normal things. Being an adult kinda sucks. But my Facebook friends came out in droves to wish me a happy birthday and it kept a smile on my face most of the day because of it.

  Not a normal year

This has not been a normal year, even as much as I'd like to deny that. This is the year that a family member fell ill. With that came memories of a horrid childhood multiplied by pressure that I should do what is expected of me (even if I know it isn't the best thing for me right now) multiplied by a dictatorship I wasn't aware I was under multiplied by part of my family being fractured to the other part of it impending fracture. The whole of it has been almost too much for me to bear. I can say that this year is running a hard race for Worst Year of My Life status even as much as I'm able to waltz around and pretend that all is well.

I'm not saying any of this to garner sympathy at all. It is simply how things have been over the last year. But it has also been a time in my life where I've realized that I have to make some changes; to stop talking about changes and just do it. For me, this is a big deal. I've never considered myself a very strong person and it will take every last gut inside me to make this upcoming year better.

All in all, it's been an okay birthday. Not great, not terrible, but an overall okay day. Oh, and I allowed myself to eat some chocolate so that raised the notch up a little. It's not often I can eat sweets these days.

  Now, to tackle those changes...

That's bore.  Not boar.  Two entirely different things.  Although I've been called a boar before, but that's a different story.

I was thinking about the upcoming weekend and how many people will be going out enjoying little weekend trips or dates or going to concerts and other exciting things.  Not this gal.  I'll be spending my weekend catching up on chores, spending time with my kids, and maybe I'll have a little time to catch up on my DVR.  Yup, I'm boring.  But that's okay.  Sometimes being boring is fun.  I'm going to enjoy my boring weekend.  The weekend is the only time I give myself permission not to worry about deadlines or assignments so yeah, stress free equals enjoyment.

This week was spent revamping my services website, interviewing the local police chief for a news story, working on another local story and heading off to enjoy the comedy that is t-ball.  And I just found out yesterday that I've been accepted to write entertainment news for another site so I'm hoping that will offset the loss I've taken recently in pay.

As for fiction, I've been steadily submitting my newest fantasy novel "Future Past", to agents hoping for a bite.  I have a science fiction short story, "The Hand", under review at Analog and sometime in the next month or two, I will be publishing my short story, "Theory of a Tramp" for general readers.  I'm currently writing a supernatural short story called, "Until Death" which has been incredibly difficult to write because it's quite an emotional story for a mom.

In any case, that's my update for the week.  Here's hoping you have a great weekend!