After hundreds of posts here on this Weebly website, I've decided to move my blog back to Blogger.  I really like Weebly; it's great for a standard website and is fantastic for ease of use but for blogging purposes, it just doesn't do much and I'm tired of struggling with it. 

Sooooo, from here on out, new blog posts will be there.  Feel free to browse through this blog; there is still a lot of great information here.  Then hop over to see what I'm up to these days.

Click here to see my new blog home!

It's been a little while since I updated. The reason for this? Because I really don't have much to share. I'm chugging along with my rewrite just fine and that has been the only thing that has consumed my mind for the last few months. Okay, THAT and my relationship with DAW which I will update fans on at a later date. My non-fiction is moving along nicely as well. I'm trying to secure some extra Yahoo! work but there's no word on that yet.

That's my writing life. As far as my personal life, things are looking up. My struggle for change led to some current happiness and I'm moving along from day to day trying to keep my thoughts in the positive. I'm exercising regularly now and learning endurance in more ways than one. The main thing plaguing my life right now is terrible and constant back pain. I'm in my early thirties and it is a struggle to even bend over most of the time. In just a few short weeks, my oldest son starts school and I'm a bit nervous about that but otherwise everything is going along swimmingly in my boring but happy life.

And it's good to be happy these days. Writers in general often find ways to cut themselves down and I've done that more than I like to admit.

In the meantime, I'll let y'all know when the next news hits. I haven't released anything new in a few months because I'm engrossed in this rewrite but as soon as it is finished, I've got some great big plans so stay tuned!

Love to all,

-Pamela

^This is the tornado that hit my community on April 27, 2011.

A few Saturdays ago, I drove to my sister's house for an anniversary party and along the way, I saw a section of road that still lay in ruin after April's Fury ripped through my community over two months ago. It didn't look like much cleanup had occurred. I don't know if it was lack of money or insurance. There were two or three chicken houses still in ruin. Dozens of white chickens littered the field, feeding along side a few cows. Sights like this never cease to amaze me.

But even on the main highway in Rainsville, there had been so much destruction to begin with that even now, it is still in such a shape that debris lay in piles along the side of the street waiting for pick up. Most of the uprooted trees have been cleared but it doesn't erase the evidence of what happened. Along the path of the deadly tornado that swept through Rainsville, trees look like the top halves and branches have simply been snapped off. In the bright of summer, these trees are just sticks standing in the ground. Having seen the destruction from a smaller tornado that ripped through Geraldine only a year before, I know those trees won't have branches for a long time.

The tornado from the video above came within FEET of where two of my sisters live. They had only minimal damage considering that 98% of the homes on their street were destroyed and where a dozen, if not more, people lost their lives.

Remembering...

I have to write this because the tornado on the video above impacted my life so much, just as I'm sure it has so many other people in this area. Now I can't look at a darkened sky the same way ever again. At the mere sign of a storm, I get on the computer and start looking at the radar images. And when I'm away from home and can't seem to get any other information, I'm texting one of my sisters to see if a warning is out.

A few days ago, there was a rare moment when my hubby and I had the opportunity to go out without kids. The sky suddenly turned ominous followed by hard rain, lightening, thunder. I couldn't enjoy myself. I kept my eyes glued to the sky watching for rotation. I texted my sisters and flipped through radio stations in an effort to see if we needed to take cover.

And my kids... I was so worried about them. They were with my stepdaughter. I know they are in good hands with her but I couldn't help but worry about all of them anyway.

The dreams

Since that day in April, I've had probably a handful of dreams centered around tornadoes, often times multiple tornadoes, coming right after me or me and my kids. Sometimes I can get us to safety, sometimes I don't and I wake up just as the twister barrels down on us.  Sometimes I'm safe but someone I love is sucked up and I can't help them.  All I can do is watch and cry.

The fix?

I don't know that there is one. In time, I suppose I might not be so sensitive to a dark sky and in time, the dreams might subside. I can't fathom that just yet but we'll see. I don't imagine it would do anyone any good to pretend that we haven't been scarred by it.

As time goes on, I'm sure things will get better but not just yet.  Blessings to everyone who has been affected by those storms and who are still trying to pick up the pieces.

-Pamela

I've had a rather interesting week. I did a submission spree for my latest fantasy novel, Future Past over the course of a few days last week. While I haven't heard back from most of them at this point, I was asked for a full manuscript on a couple of them. And one of them, Hadley Rille Books, came back with a request for a full in order to get a feel for the book. They then followed that with a request for the synopsis. Ultimately, though, they decided to pass this go around but the editor was full of kind words and constructive criticism. She even did a comprehensive edit to a few pages of my novel as an illustration of her advice. It's been a long time since an editor took the time to provide such feedback and it was something I very much needed to learn.

What I have learned is that my protagonist's tone betrayed what her background suggested of her. I've learned that I often bog down my dialogue with unnecessary (and often repetitive) descriptions. Something else I learned that the editor didn't say was that I'm not giving my prospective audience enough credit. Subconsciously, I suppose since I struggle in real life to get my own points across to people, I tend to over inflate information.

I have the opportunity now to rework the novel to reflect a standard of work that I know I'm capable of. It will be a challenge but it's one that I'm willing to take on if not for anything but my love of writing itself and the love I have for this story and its characters.

And for other news -

My recently released novelette The Hand has caught some local attention. I'll be doing a live radio interview on the Danny Lee Show on Newstalk Fort Payne WFPA on Friday, June 17, 2011 at 7:35am.  You can listen online at www.1400wfpa.com.

I also want to share some blogs that I've recently become a part of through an indie author's group. First, notice the cute frog in the sidebar to the right. This blog has become part of an indie author's blogring. Every time I post here, it feeds to Indie Author Blog Hop. I've also become part of I Love Smashwords, a blog dedicated to the authors of Smashwords.com, a site that I love to use for my work for many reasons, the main one being distribution to some of the top online book sellers.  If you care to take a look at either of these sites, please do. My fellow colleagues would appreciate it.

Thank you for your continued support. If you don't hear from me for awhile, it only means I'm deep into my rewrite.

Love, happiness, and new challenges,

Pamela

Just as soon as I released my latest short story for general readers, just as I was beginning the process of promoting it, disaster struck.  Literally.  I was able to write a first person story for Yahoo! thanks to editors who understood that we were without power for days.  Now, we're just trying to get back to normal and I'm working on my next project for you.

I'm not quite sure the article adequately conveys the complete heartbreak we have been through in this area.  While I have power back, none of my four sisters do.  I am blessed to be able to offer them use of a hot shower and a washer and dryer. 

It's unreal how many people have died in these storms.  It's unreal how many people are now homeless and desperately need help and prayers.  I thank everyone who has been sending thoughts and prayers this way.  If you would like to know how to help out more, click here.  Also for my specific area, here is the Disaster Relief Facebook group.

Every birthday for the past couple of years, I've written something that reflects the day. But to be honest, if not for the pieces that I wrote, I wouldn't be able to remember at all what I was thinking my last few birthdays. Since my first son was born over 5 years ago, life has been pretty much a blur. This went double when I was blessed with my second son a little over 3 years ago. Hell, I'm lucky if I remember last week.

 Things are slowing down a little but I'm still in that survival mode, trying to balance work with motherhood, taking one day at a time, trying to make life count, while one son is in question mode ("Momma, what's wood made out of?" "Momma, why do I comb my hair?" "Momma, why do cats scratch?" "Momma, how did a baby get in Sissy's belly?" (Eek!)) while the other son is in blood curling scream mode if you just happen to look at him sideways.

  Yesterday was just like any other day. I worked, I paid bills, I got on the treadmill, I did laundry, I cooked supper, I attended my son's t-ball game. I did normal things. Being an adult kinda sucks. But my Facebook friends came out in droves to wish me a happy birthday and it kept a smile on my face most of the day because of it.

  Not a normal year

This has not been a normal year, even as much as I'd like to deny that. This is the year that a family member fell ill. With that came memories of a horrid childhood multiplied by pressure that I should do what is expected of me (even if I know it isn't the best thing for me right now) multiplied by a dictatorship I wasn't aware I was under multiplied by part of my family being fractured to the other part of it impending fracture. The whole of it has been almost too much for me to bear. I can say that this year is running a hard race for Worst Year of My Life status even as much as I'm able to waltz around and pretend that all is well.

I'm not saying any of this to garner sympathy at all. It is simply how things have been over the last year. But it has also been a time in my life where I've realized that I have to make some changes; to stop talking about changes and just do it. For me, this is a big deal. I've never considered myself a very strong person and it will take every last gut inside me to make this upcoming year better.

All in all, it's been an okay birthday. Not great, not terrible, but an overall okay day. Oh, and I allowed myself to eat some chocolate so that raised the notch up a little. It's not often I can eat sweets these days.

  Now, to tackle those changes...

I dig that there are some people out there who just can't tolerate small children.  I can barely handle them myself, even though I'm a mom.  I love my children dearly and can handle them but my temperament is so that I get frazzled quite easily sometimes when dealing with other children.  So I want to reiterate that I get it.  Everyone's different and that's okay.

But when you choose a certain field of people-pleasing work (ahem, sales!), whether you like kids or not, whether you like the potential client or not, you've got to know that there will be circumstances out there that will require you to fake it.

With that being said, let me tell you about the salesman who came to my house a few weeks ago to show us some windows.  It all started out okay.  I wasn't too interested in the windows to begin with; having him come to the house was my husband's idea.  I knew we wouldn't be able to afford the windows Salesguy was selling but decided to let Hubby realize that for himself.  I was busying myself with chores that needed done like I do most Saturday mornings.  But for some reason, it was absolutely imperative that I be part of the audience as he made his pitch.  But that's neither here nor there, I suppose.  I was finishing up something concerning my kids and said I'd be done in a few minutes.  I didn't think that was too unreasonable given the fact that Salesguy had been late to start with. 

He seemed irked but decided he could use a cigarette.  So he asked Hubby if he could smoke.  Hubby said we didn't allow smoking in the house.  He mentioned to Salesguy that I used to smoke but I quit sometime back (over a year and a half ago; yay!).  Salesguy seemed to want to argue.  He'd seen an ashtray on the porch so surely that must mean one of us smoked.  I chimed in with the fact that even when I did smoke, I smoked outside because you shouldn't smoke around kids.  The ashtray was for guests to smoke OUTSIDE.

Later, as he was doing his pitch, he was obviously very disturbed that my 3 year old wanted to play with the latch on one of his cases.  My son wasn't hurting anything but Salesguy kept trying to shoo him away like a fly.  Salesguy was also disturbed by my 3 year old's need to go back and forth between Hubby and I as he climbed in our laps, gave us kisses, and chattered as he (or any other 3 year old) normally would.  Salesguy kept looking at me in particular.  "Did you hear me?" he asked on several occasions as if we were in an elementary school classroom instead of my living room.  He was very off put by my son to the point when he started to "order" him around, I got up and left the room with him despite heavy aggravated sighs from Salesguy.

I occupied my little man upstairs and hoped I could avoid Salesguy for the rest of his visit.  No such luck.  Hubby came up a little while later and said, "He wants you down there, too."  I gave my husband one of those famous looks but I didn't say anything.  If I wasn't such a good girl, I would've... well, I'll leave that one to your happy imaginations.  But I gritted my teeth and remained civil although I'm sure the disgust on my face was evident.

Needless to say, Hubby did realize the windows were out of our budget and we sent Salesguy on his merry way; without any of our money.

Related: The Sales Person's Guide to Dealing with Young Children

That's bore.  Not boar.  Two entirely different things.  Although I've been called a boar before, but that's a different story.

I was thinking about the upcoming weekend and how many people will be going out enjoying little weekend trips or dates or going to concerts and other exciting things.  Not this gal.  I'll be spending my weekend catching up on chores, spending time with my kids, and maybe I'll have a little time to catch up on my DVR.  Yup, I'm boring.  But that's okay.  Sometimes being boring is fun.  I'm going to enjoy my boring weekend.  The weekend is the only time I give myself permission not to worry about deadlines or assignments so yeah, stress free equals enjoyment.

This week was spent revamping my services website, interviewing the local police chief for a news story, working on another local story and heading off to enjoy the comedy that is t-ball.  And I just found out yesterday that I've been accepted to write entertainment news for another site so I'm hoping that will offset the loss I've taken recently in pay.

As for fiction, I've been steadily submitting my newest fantasy novel "Future Past", to agents hoping for a bite.  I have a science fiction short story, "The Hand", under review at Analog and sometime in the next month or two, I will be publishing my short story, "Theory of a Tramp" for general readers.  I'm currently writing a supernatural short story called, "Until Death" which has been incredibly difficult to write because it's quite an emotional story for a mom.

In any case, that's my update for the week.  Here's hoping you have a great weekend!

"Writers are among the most psychotic of the human species."

This was written to me in a letter a few years ago from what I discovered to be a scam agency (it came from one of the many names under the Writers Literary Agency).  The statement wasn't meant personally; it was part of a form letter meant to convey that they'd experienced some pretty crazy things from writers.  (I guess having well minded writers inquire about questionable business practices labels them as psychotic.)  

I think sometimes we are paranoid, for sure.  I mean, a lot of us have spent oodles and oodles (I really like typing the word "oodles") of time writing, prepping, submitting, wishing, and hoping that someday someone will say the three letter word we all want to hear, "YES", that when it finally does happen, we have good reason to be suspicious.  So many people try to scam us that it is in our best interest to have a healthy aura of paranoia every now and again.

In general, fiction writers are also terribly emotional creatures.  (And yes, I'm aware that I just called myself a "creature".)  When we write, we have to prepare in much the same way an actor prepares to play a part.  We have to get inside our character's heads, we have to think what they are thinking, see the world how they see the world... basically, we have to change our entire perception.  That often means that we have to feel the emotions that our characters feel and be sympathetic even to the antagonists we create, no matter how bad they are.

Psychotic, no.  Well, not most of us, at least.  And if you find an agency or publisher calling you psychotic just for trying to cover your own back, a big red flag needs to go up and you should investigate them further.

For the last few years, I've slowly built myself up online.  I began content writing which led to minor victories which led to a confidence to continue building my online presence.  Over that time, I've been chasing two things; money and passion.

I'm sure a lot of people can relate to the money-hungry aspect.  Over the last few years, I've known that I'm in a place in my life where I need to separate myself from a few things.  I can't do that without money.  I can't do that without a means to take care of what I need to take care of.  And surprising (or not), I just don't make the money online that I need to.  Every time that something would happen where I simply just could not take it anymore, I would push forward and create another responsibility for myself online.  I was trying to make more money... but, really, very little I do helps.  I work and work and work and I am no more closer to making any kind of steady income than I was after my first few months into my online work.  Getting an outside job in my neck of the woods is next to impossible.  And it's actually non-existent for someone of my skill set.  This is coupled with the unique needs of having two small children where you have little to no luck keeping a dependable babysitter, much less paying for one.

Then comes passion.  I would justify a lot of time wasting activities to passion, whether it be creating a new blog or website, being the admin of a forum, spending a little too much time on Twitter or Facebook because I told myself that I not only enjoyed it, but it was good for networking.  All it has done is further bury me into this world of struggling to make ends meet and in the end has reaped very few rewards whether monetary or mentally satisfying.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not quitting.  As a matter of fact, I will still be writing my fiction and poetry with vigor (that will never change).  But there are a number of things that I'm cutting out.  I will no longer be admin to the forums and other blogs I currently take part in.  I will no longer be spending as much time on things like Facebook or Twitter.  I will continue to write in an independent fashion for the Yahoo! Contributor Network and hope to keep my state-based Yahoo!News beat for a long time.  I will also continue my local website as I still feel like I could do some good with it, especially with the following I have.  I will also continue to write on this blog and keep this site up-to-date with my career progress.

This change of heart came after some computer problems caused me to be without internet for over two weeks.  It was horrible at first.  I panicked and wondered how in the world I'd get by without working like I was.  But after the first week, I realized that it didn't matter as much as I thought it did.  I was making the residuals, so it wasn't like I wasn't making anything.  I was losing some upfront pay but overall, it's not like I'd lost everything.  I realized that I needed to spend more time on my fiction.  I also realized that my kids needed more of me than I'd been giving them by working so hard on things that ultimately did nothing for my dreams or needs.  It was a wake up call.  One that I desperately needed and one that I'm thankful for.

It's time to move forward.  With my edits almost done on my new fantasy novel, I should be ready to begin submitting within the next month.  It took me a year to complete but it was worth the wait.

Thanks to everyone for their continued support.